Where do I start? It's been a rough week. I hurt my lower back and it seems finally to be healing but I still can't do everything I normally would do and of course, my boyfriend relapses during all this. Last night was half a nightmare. He was so high that he hasn't been to sleep yet. The sad part is it wasn't his normal full blown so I was able to ignore him. How did this become normal in my life? Why do I keep letting it be the normal in my life? I'm sad but ok. I'm sad but I can smile. I'm sad but I know I'm always going to be ok and God has me. I don't know what my weekend is going to be.
Is he going to continue to be high or is he going to sleep all weekend and detox for the 100000000 time? The famous words of an addict... I'm sorry. Over that. Can't walk away yet. Even though there are a lot of bad stressful unfair days but when he tries it gives me hope. I pray my weekend won't be hell but who knows. I have people , friends that know what's going on and they are shocked on how I'm handling it. My own life is a roller coaster. Nothing is perfect or what I ever dreamed it to be. I'm a Christian and see my life is not perfect. A perfect life was never promised when you become born again. I'm proof. What has been promised is peace, love if you do become born again. I'm also proof of that. I have the love of God. The love of my friends and family no matter what goes on in my life. I have the peace and strength of God to go through these trials and when and if it becomes time to leave God will give me strength and peace to do that too. All I want from me telling my story is to help people. It doesn't matter if its addiction, depression or whatever it is that you are going through..you will always find peace when you turn to God...God not religion..NOT RELIGION. If I help 1 person this will be all worth it.