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Where do I even start on how my weekend went. I guess I should be happy he was sober for our date. That sounds so pathetic. About a half hour after we got home he was high as hell. New Years Eve was ruined. I brought in the new year with someone that was out of control high and I was completely broken hearted and alone. As I watched him run around the house messing everyone up, talking to himself and hitting himself I just sat there crying. I approached him and asked for the drugs and he told me your Ms . Private Eye go find them. He has never once not given me the drugs. Even if he has another stash he always gave me something. I got nothing. He isn't even afraid of jail anymore because he knows his PO won't do anything. He has been high since Friday night and it's Monday afternoon. It very sad. What the hell do PO's do? Nothing - absolutely nothing. I just don't understand after everything he's been through he would fall into full blown addiction this quick. Everything was good. Business was good. We were good. Saturday night he poked me and I told him not to touch me.

Well after that instance he kicked me out, called me a few not nice words. I just did half a sad smile like ok kinda look and walked away. He goes no it's ok, we're ok. Sunday he comes into the bedroom in the late morning and he tells me I am sooooo soooo sorry and starts crying. I went ah huh and the crying stopped. I guess he figured his fake crying doesn't work anymore. So he left and was starting to come out of it so we did have a decent rest of the day if you can call it that way. Why do I accept ( unintentionally ) certain levels of him being high. That is so wrong in many ways. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end. I just went to bed. I always sleep light - one eye open. At 5:30am Monday he was tweeking again. I got up to check. He broke our coffee pot and was trying to use the single cup maker. I helped him and asked him why is he doing this. He lied and said he took caffeine pills. Oh please..why are you still lying. After I cleaned he moved a chair across the livingroom, threw dog toys across the room and messed up my kitchen again. The excuses were so dumb. He picked up most of the stuff before he left. He went home early on Monday from work. Still high. I am not looking forward to going home. He called me the love of his life today and it hurts to hear him say that. This is literally an emotional abusive toxic relationship. It's just so overwhelming.