Broken

I never thought I'd write this but I'm broken. So tired. Done. We got into another argument this morning. Basically because I don't follow him around and pick up after him. I cook and clean but no I don't follow him around to pick up after him. I'm not his mom. I'm supposed to be equal - his partner. He said he'll just pay someone to do it. How disrespectful. How hard is it to put your laundry in the laundry room and throw out your trash? I want a man. Not a child. Why does he think that it's my job to be basically his servant and yet he can sleep all weekend? Why can't he help? His only power is money and he knows it. During the argument he told me to f**k off. Really? I went after him. I wanted to know who he thought he was to talk to me like that? He apologized for telling me that. Who cares. He always apologizes and that's getting old and worthless. For the 1st time I threw in his face and I told him I was going to and didn't care what he thought. That while he was on drugs and locked up, rehab, halfway house and 3/4 house I saved his business. I fought his brother in law ( he was trying to steal the company and had my boyfriend removed from authority because of the drugs and had me court ordered in as power of attorney). I had to deal with criminal lawyers, business lawyers, vendors and run a roofing company and make sure the employees were ok.

It was overwhelming but God gave me the strength to do it. His house was in foreclosure and my family and I pulled it out of foreclosure. All in all between my family and I we loaned him $20,000.00 and to this day the company still uses my credit card because we can't get one yet. I got a roof, siding, fascia and gutters on my house. The vendors promo my material for roof. I paid for the labor. He had the company pay for the siding and fascia and told me I had to pay for the labor. Eventually, he gave me the labor as a birthday present. All the stuff I did/do. Trying to be a blessing to him. Believing in him. Thinking he just got dealt a bad hand and I can help and everything would be great with us - at work and personally. I got nothing handed to me from him. No here honey I'll take care of it - all the outside work to your house as a thank you. I got nothing. Nothing. I wasn't looking for anything but never did I think He'd make me pay. Than because his son is lazy and acts entitled and his ex-wife uses the son against my boyfriend all the time. She says how can you let your son live in poverty. I should mention his son is 26, no drivers license and can't keep a job. Actually his mom can't either. Lazy - users. Yes I deal with that too. He turns around and gives his ex-wife $8,000.00 for a car because she threatened not to never bring their son to work. His ex-wife and son stole off him - a lot. Sold him drugs and set him up with dealers but they get treated better than me. His ex-girlfriend before me stole off him. I do the right thing and I get treated like crap. So where's God? I don't know. I hurt so bad. Of course my boyfriend apologized and said he doesn't know why he's been on edge lately...it's the drugs but you can't tell him that. I pray for an exit soon. For divine intervention in this situation. I'm so tired. I have tears running down my face as I type this. My faith is strong but I hurt. I'm heart broken. I'm tired. So very very tired.