In My Feelings

I don't know why today I'm in my feelings. I am positive about work and not worrying but I think it hit me that court for my boyfriend is 1.5 weeks away. I know that there will be another hearing and that this is just the beginning but it makes me sad. Tonight is the premiere of Hocus Pocus 2 and I'm watching it alone. Always alone. That sucks. I did join a Nar-Anon group to help with things. When I read about what other loved ones are going through with their children it breaks my heart. I honestly don't know if this group is helping me or hurting me because of all the sadness. Yes, there are good posts about succeeding in recovery but I can't

help think about these poor souls. About the children that tried it once and are now addicted and they lost their childhood. I was thinking of doing a zoom meeting but I'm afraid I'll end up crying because of other peoples hurts. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for that. I did get confirmation that my feelings and actions were normal and that my boyfriend is the standard manipulative drug addict. I know my life is still good. I still know everything will turn out the way God wants it to turn out for me. But it still hurts. Even while standing in faith you can't suppress the feeling of past hurt. I pray for mercy on my boyfriend at court. That he gets another chance. I just wish I wasn't so alone all the time. Life is still good. As the bible says in Pslam 23:4 " Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me". I'm walking through the shadow of death but by no means am I staying there. I will walk through this and come out the other side victorious one way or another.