It Starts

As I sit at work thinking I can't help wonder what will happen in the months to come. Last time I spoke to my boyfriend was Sunday night ( it's now Tuesday early evening ). They took him early Monday morning and transferred him to some prison. They usually come in the middle of the night and transport them as a precaution. I don't know where he is and probably won't be able to talk to him for a week. This prison is not his final destination though. This place will evaluate him and decide which program if any he can go on and than send him to his permanent prison until release. He's not built for jail. Not even close. I can't imagine how scared he was when they grabbed him in the wee hours of the morning to ship him off. The last week we talked I couldn't stand talking to him. He was so mopey. It's hard to talk to someone like that when you're trying to keep your hopes, spirits and faith strong. Funny now because I just want to talk to him and see how he is. I still get mad at myself at time because I still love him so much

. I'm thinking he will be , if allowed in a certain program, he will be at a half way house ( renewal house ) in November. So hopefully that'll mean back at work too. I think him being at a half way house will be good for us. So we can see each other at work and ease back into a good relationship. A restored relationship but not restored to what it was but better. I'm counting on a happy ever after. I know I shouldn't be but I am. Thursday is my appointment with my doctor. I guess he will schedule a mammogram or MRI or both for the lump in my breast. Crazy thing is I'm not worried about it. I know deep down it's not cancer. I know I'm ok and I thank Jesus for that. What I do know is even though I do not want to die but I'm not afraid to die. I'd be in heaven. That sounds pretty good. To thrive and not just survive life, everyday I speak Christian and positive affirmations out loud. I declare my faith out loud. God spoke and it happened and I'm the righteousness of God made in the image of Jesus so I speak into existence health and strength. I lean 100% on Jesus. I don't want to make anymore decisions without Jesus- without knowing he will bless that choice. It's all I can do. It's the only way I will survive is by giving it all to Jesus.