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Last Effort

I keep thinking about marrying my boyfriend. He brings it up almost daily. The only thing stopping me is his continuous relapsing. That's a big deal. We discussed it again. We looked up a UPMC doctor that can prescribe suboxone ( I don't want him to try subutex). He now needs to make the effort to go. I know people on suboxone and they are succeeding in life. So will I get engaged - yes. Will I get married right now - no. I can't help it but I still believe in him. Maybe I'm in denial of having to leave or him choosing sobriety.

Not sure what it is. There's a very good chance I'm going to be made a fool of again but one last effort and I'm willing to take that chance. I also am aware that he could be good now and relapse after marriage and end up in jail ( he is on probation because of drug use).I will deal with that should that ever happen. I can't see myself with anyone else. The one thing I do know about me is when it gets out of control I will leave but it's not at that point yet. It might seem crazy but I just can't give up yet. Yes, I know my personality is try to fix everything. I'm getting better at realizing I can't. At least at the end of the journey I can say I exhausted all possibilities to help and have a healthy relationship and at that point I can leave ( if it happens ) with no regret, no what ifs. I guess this is where I stand right now.

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My goodness why do old feelings and habits sneak in? I had a great Easter weekend. It's just I have these trust issues still with him. He has done nothing since he's been back to even make me doubt hi


Mar 31, 2022

Its a little crazy but I think I know what I'm doing. Like I said it's engagement not marriage yet. I guess we'll see


I didn’t want to say congrats yet since you said “getting” engaged. 😂


People aren’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect. Do what makes you happy. With that being said .... OMG! You’re getting engaged!! LOL! Don’t forget to enjoy the fuck out of these moments! 😂

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