Last Effort

I keep thinking about marrying my boyfriend. He brings it up almost daily. The only thing stopping me is his continuous relapsing. That's a big deal. We discussed it again. We looked up a UPMC doctor that can prescribe suboxone ( I don't want him to try subutex). He now needs to make the effort to go. I know people on suboxone and they are succeeding in life. So will I get engaged - yes. Will I get married right now - no. I can't help it but I still believe in him. Maybe I'm in denial of having to leave or him choosing sobriety.

Not sure what it is. There's a very good chance I'm going to be made a fool of again but one last effort and I'm willing to take that chance. I also am aware that he could be good now and relapse after marriage and end up in jail ( he is on probation because of drug use).I will deal with that should that ever happen. I can't see myself with anyone else. The one thing I do know about me is when it gets out of control I will leave but it's not at that point yet. It might seem crazy but I just can't give up yet. Yes, I know my personality is try to fix everything. I'm getting better at realizing I can't. At least at the end of the journey I can say I exhausted all possibilities to help and have a healthy relationship and at that point I can leave ( if it happens ) with no regret, no what ifs. I guess this is where I stand right now.