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Mixed feelings

I have so many emotions right now. My boyfriend comes home on Dec 18th for good. It makes me nervous to be honest. Hoping he really got it this time, hoping he treats me the way I deserve and hoping I really forgave him. I have to get use to being with somone after work and actually making dinner every night. Sounds silly but since it was just me their were times I'd just have cereal or honey toast for dinner. Almost 2 years alone its going to be an adjustment. I do want him home and to finally see if this is my happily ever after. I don't know.

I've been having upper back pain for about a month and lower back spasms for about a week. I called my oncologist and he got me in quickly for x-rays. They said the chances that the cancer spread was slim and they didn't feel anything concerning but they want to make sure. I believe it's because I over did it. I think I'm still the same person as I was before surgery and radiation. I'm not. I'm still healing and I need to remember that. I was completly decorated for Christmas by Thanksgiving and I was moving some awkward boxes. I think I strained my muscles. My doctor will call me later today or tomorrow morning after he reads the x-rays. I have to admit...laying on the x-ray table and not knowing brought up some familiar emotions from having cancer. I didn't like that feeling. I felt like crying. I hate the unknown. I didn't let myself go deep into my emotions. I claimed that I was healed and that I'm a child of God and Jesus loves me and all is well with me and my house. So I'm going to stay focused on HIS word and not the unknown.

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