Do you ever feel like you never stop running? I do. All the time. Some of it is actually enjoyable but sometimes it's a struggle to even get ready to go do the stuff. I love family dinners on Sunday and meeting up with friends but it takes me a lot of encouraging myself to do it. Once I'm there I'm happy I went. I wonder if it's like that because I'm so mentally and emotionally drained from all of this. I just want to be lazy. Be at peace and quiet for awhile. Work is all the time since I became POA of my boyfriends company while he is in jail. Even on weekends I'm constantly checking e-mail and voicemails. Maybe I shouldn't? Maybe I should actually take those 2 days off? I don't know. I feel guilty if I don't even though I shouldn't'. I try so very hard to please God, my family, friends and work. I fail sometimes. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself? All I know is I'm so very tired and in desperate need of a break
. This is actually the first weekend I have nothing to do at the house too. I had to fix the house back up after he ruined it and the yard because he never did anything to it after the ice storm tore down trees and branches. Tonight I have to make creamy cucumber salad and ambrosia for 100 people for my daughter's wedding picnic. It's not hard to make any of these - just time consuming. I know I'm going to be dragging my feet to go because it's at her dads and her sisters from his new marriage ( even though they are divorcing and new ex lives in Arizona ) are going to be there. I don't want them to think any ill of me. I didn't cause the divorce and we aren't' getting back together. Plus it will be the 1st time I've seen the entire family on his side since the divorce. I just want it all to be wonderful. I still talk to some of them through Facebook but face to face is different. I just don't know. So much pressure everywhere and I just want it to stop. Plus, I haven't seem or talked to my son since my daughter's wedding in May. I forgive him. I just want to move forward. All these thoughts I shouldn't be worrying myself with them but I can't help it. It's not lack of faith. Maybe it's lack of me letting go and truly
putting it into God's hands. All I know is I'm exhausted but I will do what is right and keep plugging away.