Is It Too Late
As time went on I continued down a destructive path. I really didn't care. Who was I hurting? No one that I cared about. I had my kids and parents. That's all I needed. I had my friends but didn't appreciate them. I remember at some point during the years their dad, my ex, tried to get me back. I had such a hardened heart that I would never ever let that happen. Did I make a mistake? Sometimes I think I did and other times not. I guess we will never know now. One Friday when my kids were getting ready to go to their dads they asked me if I could go to church. They wanted to see me there even though I couldn't sit with them. Their dad was dating someone by now. I laughed and told them I would try. I lied. I knew I lied. I had no attentions what so ever to get up on a Sunday morning to go to church after being out partying all weekend. The kids left and I went about my weekend as usual. Clubbing it up. Sunday morning came and for some strange reason I was awake at 8am. Church service didn't start until 10am and it was a 20 minute drive. I stayed in bed wondering why the hell am I awake.
I eventually rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep. I couldn't. I kept getting this nagging feeling to go to church. I told God no I wasn't going because he failed me. So I rolled back over. Now you may or may not believe this but someone or something pushed me.
Literally pushed me! Deep down I knew who it was. God wanted me up and at church. So me with my attitude said FINE I'LL GO! I got cleaned up and went. The service is 2 hours. Even though I knew and deep down loved the songs they were singing I didn't participate. I didn't see my kids yet either so what was the point of me coming? The singing part of service was over and I went to sit down and that's when I saw my kids. Big smiles on their face and waving. I was happy until I saw my ex happy with his new girlfriend. Why does he deserve to be happy? Whatever...