Old Habits

My goodness why do old feelings and habits sneak in? I had a great Easter weekend. It's just I have these trust issues still with him. He has done nothing since he's been back to even make me doubt him. It's like I'm having flash backs becuase the whole thing was tramatizing. I need to pray for this to go away. I don't act on any of it so that's a positive. I just need peace. He's been so loving, appreciative and helpful. The person I wanted and deserve - that's him. Is this what is means to have a form of PTSD? I need it to go away. Neither one of us deserve it. Well, he doesn't know. I'm trying to heal myself without it interferring in our relationship. Are wedding theme is "....and they lived happily ever after". Finally. After all the struggles we made it and we are happy. Why can't theses stupid thoughts and feeling go away? I gotta find scripture to battle this. I guess it doesn't help either that 1 year ago Friday I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all my labs and doctors appointments are happening again to make sure it's still gone. I just had my mammogram Thursday and I was actually scared. I know I'm ok but it's such an emotional situation. Also, I think the anti-cancer pills I have to take every day for 5 years is making it harder for me to lose weight. I highly dislike me at this weight. I need 10-15lbs off. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty knowledgable on the whole losing weight and eating healthy and this is kicking my ass. I got a lot to figure out.