I had a really nice few days with him. He slept mostly but I'll take the peace. He was sober and that's a big deal. I just want to enjoy when he's sober. He's having teeth surgery on Monday. All of his teeth pulled and all implants put in in 1 day. I told him not to worry that I would be there, have soft foods at home for him and that they'll probably send him home with an antibiotic and prescription strength advil. He said no it'll be pain pills. So I know that the sober days are short lived and he is going to take full advantage of having a prescription for oxy. His PO can't do anything because of that script and it's not like he does anything any ways. So 5 days and counting until hell breaks loose again. I'll stay in God's grace and be at peace while he's in full addiction knowing God is watching over me.
Last night I actually looked at him sleeping on the couch. He was curled up in a fetal position. For the first time in a long time my heart broke for him not me. He looked like an innocent helpless child. He loves the high but don't want to be an addict. I can't even the imagine the torment and pain he goes through. I don't think people really think about the hell an addict goes through. In the beginning we might but as it affects us, hurts us we are more focused on our feelings and well being. It hit me hard last night. I know it's not all about me. i can leave and be ok but him - he'll still be suffering. That's sad. He's someone's son and father. I guess I forgot about that during the hell being caused in my life because of the addiction. Maybe God wanted me to see him like that last night. Not for me to stay but for me to have mercy on him for what's to come. I to am learning every day about how to live and let God's will for my life. Where would I be if God didn't have mercy on me? I've sinned. I'm also forgiven but it's God's mercy on us, it's God giving his son to die on the cross for us...even the addict. Mercy - such a small word but a big meaning. Let's not fight evil with evil but have mercy on one another.