Not Again

I went home from church that day feeling something inside that I haven't felt in a long time. Did I go with it? Nope. Brushed it off and said screw it. Eventually I let someone in. I met this guy at the mall. He had a little girl. I fell for him and I fell hard. He was divorcing his wife and fighting for custody. His soon to be ex-wife was on drugs. My kids liked him and I liked his daughter. We were trying to blend into a little family...so I thought. We would go to a local bar on weekends. We were friends with everyone there. A couple years went by and we talked marriage. Now let me remind you I still was not active in my faith. I got tired of drinking alllllllllll the time. So I'd have ginger ale or a diet coke while at the bar at times. He was a pot head. I didn't care. I'm not against weed. Things were good. I was the third party for child pick up and drop off. Unfortunately, I had his e arrested in front of my house while he was at work. She was tweaking out and there was no way I was going to let his little girl get into that car with her like that.

The police came and I took his daughter into my house and told my daughter to keep her away from the window so she doesn't see her mom getting arrested. When I came back inside I told her that her moms car was broken and she had to go with the police to fix it and that she was going to stay with me. I hate drugs. How could you even think about putting your daughter in the car when you're like that. I called her dad to let him know and we just adjusted our plans. Almost 5 years together and something happened. I don't know what happened. To this day I still don't know what happened. He broke up with me. He said I was boring since I don't drink all the time and I don't smoke weed. He made this big scene in front of my house with his daughter there. I was shocked and hurt. He left and I went inside the house and ran upstairs to my bedroom crying. What did I do? Oh my gosh I can't do this again! My kids ran up after me to comfort me. They held me while I cried. At this time they were middle school and high school. I cried and couldn't stop. I remember I didn't eat anything or sleep for 2 weeks. Even my employer was getting worried about me. After being starved and almost crashing my car from falling asleep at the wheel I opened my bible back up. I don't know why but I did.