November 2

I have to talk about my feelings today. It started out like any other day. I got up went to work. The only difference is it was election day. I took lunch and pick up my daughter so we could vote together. Afterwards I stopped at my parents to just hi. We started talking about the holidays and just like that I got saddened because it appears this will be year 4 without my son. I can't believe he still won't talk to me. Every day I think about him and pray for restoration but some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days. I wish I could snap my fingers and fix it but I can't. He started to talk to me last year and just stopped and blocked me

again. I don't know what happened. Occasionally I would message him I love you or invite him to family functions. I didn't push. I didn't bring up the past. I get it. In his eyes it's all my fault. Whatever. As a mom I forgive and move on. He can't. I don't get it. I don't understand how someone can be ok with not talking to their mom. I did everything for him and where did that get me. I know God is in control but I'm human and it still hurts. I will smile today as I am blessed. I just had to share that I was having a bad moment and to let you know it's ok to have bad moments. It's not ok to let it consume you and for you to dwell in it.