Rose Colored Glasses
My weekend was ok. I was shocked that he didn't get high. Instead he slept all day Saturday and went to work on Sunday for a couple hours. One would say I don't have much to write about than. Not true. I'm so very disappointed in myself. This Saturday was gloomy, raining and high winds and it set the mood for me to dive deep into depression. I laid in bed literally all day. I can't even count the hours I cried because I let what was happening in my life consume me. I inwardly was screaming for help. I reached out to my daughter. My grandson had a basketball game and I couldn't pull myself out of bed to even try to get ready. So I texted her and told her what I was going through and she gave me a pep talk and told me it's because I see good in people when I should walk away before they destroy me and that she inherited that trait too. She than sarcastically thanked me for that...lol
Texting is her thing so when she face-timed me it was a big deal. She asked me about a wire to start but she's smart enough to know to call the electric company. She was having an ugly sweater Christmas party but stayed on the phone with me for 30 mins just talking about really nothing in particular. I believe this was her way of checking up on me and if it wasn't it made me feel good that she called. The more I go through this the more I don't like how it's changing me. Me depressed? Me missing my grandson's game for no good reason other than depression? I know depression is real. I'm blessed that mine is short lived and I can with the grace of God pull through. Breaks my heart knowing that people have depression so bad that they can't find peace. Life is not easy for any of us that's why know one should judge anyone. It's just not right and we are all fighting our own personal battles. So this is where I'm at today. 3.5 days of him not being high ( today is still early - it's only 12:30pm ) and me trying not to put on the rose colored glasses just because he's sober now. I know by his history he can't go past 3 weeks of sobriety without severe consequences. He's on probation but PO's don't do anything. No matter what happens and where my life leads me next I wish him the best and sobriety and a relationship with Jesus. As for now I'll take as long as I can get the days of peace from him being sober. I'll keep striving, saving money and praying for restoration and an exit.