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Silently Worried

I went to see my medical oncologist. He said he was sending the tumor out for a number test to see if I need chemo. He said I probably won't. Which I felt real good about. I than saw my radiation oncologist. She said the same thing and told me we are going to schedule pre-radiation appointment. That is basically where they do a scan and tattoo a dot on me so when I go through the radiation it is lined up perfectly each time. She explained the area and it's really big compared to what I thought it was. She said I will probably get a sun burn but that I will get a sun burn on may back up by my collar bone too. She said there's not a lot of fat in that area so the laser would go through. That freaked me out. Kind of got teary eyed when she told me this. I don't feel strong enough to go through this but I know God is with me and I will. I had 2 more appointments set up for next week. 1 for my medical oncologist that I was hoping

I wouldn't need because my test numbers would be low. 1 with the radiation doctor. I also got blood work done a week ago to check my hormone levels. My phone sent me a notification that I had a new test result. I looked and I didn't. What is freaking me out is my appointment for my radiologist is gone. So am I going to need chemo or is this a glitch? My mom said call them. I'm not going to. I don't want to know this early. I already cried about the possibility of me getting chemo. I just can't. I'm trying to enjoy life as much as I can before the final treatments start just encase I do get fatigued. I had a fabulous 4th of July with family and friends. I'm going to The Big Butler Fair Thursday after work with my daughter and grandson. I want to have fun. I just can't with the thought of chemo. I'm already worried. I don't want to dwell on it if I need chemo. I'm not. This sucks. There's no words to explain how I really feel seeing that appoinment disappear. I mean really WTH. Anyway, that's where I'm at right now.

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