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Winter Blues

Well I have had a headache for the past week. Basically since they took my boyfriend to state prison. I didn't go in for 2 days this week. I want to quit. The stress is overwhelming. Deep down though I know quitting isn't the answer. I know it would only provide a temporary peace. I keep pushing forward even though this job is literally hurting me physically now. It's not even about my boyfriend anymore its about me and my employees. I really want to love my job again. I miss enjoying my job. I barely sleep and my anxieties are out of control, which I am working on. I started this week taking 3 - 2100mg of ashwagandha a day, chamomile at night with a side of Benadryl and kava kava tea during the whole day. This is not normal. This is not ok. Than to top of the stress Saturday is a surprise birthday part at a bar for a dear friend.

I am going. I have to go. What I hate is it's the same weekend Pittsburgh celebrates St Patty's Day. So when the party starts at 7pm I have to deal with all the immature amateurs' drinkers. It's not like back in the day when i was younger and even than certain days I would avoid going out because of this. I'm only staying until 10pm. I really don't want to go but he means the world to me so I am. I just hope my headache is gone by than. I also started this healthy eating program to try to heal my aches and pains by eating certain types of food. I'm only on day 3 but I'm full and I feel ok. I'm looking forward to see how I feel after 28 days.As far as boyfriend he's ok. He has covid so that can't be pleasant while in jail. I went to my doctor last week for the lump in my breast and he believes it is just a cyst. That's what I thought too. I have a mammogram appointment on April 12th just to make sure there's no cancer cells or whatever in there. I need a break. I need healing. I need peace and sleep. Until than I just keep pushing forward and praying.

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