It's crazy to have all these emotions and still be at peace. The stress is overwhelming at times and I just want to curl up in a ball and not do anything. Somehow I get the strength...I guess not some how - I know it's God, to get out of bed every day, wipe my tears away, stop feeling sorry for myself and move forward. I'm getting teary eyed typing this now. I'm happy. I'm at peace but I am so exhausted. Now the first thing that pops into my thoughts this morning is how much I have to have saved for work to make it through the winter months of Jan - March. It's only the beginning of June and now I have to add this to my thoughts. It's a fact.
It has to be done. My boyfriend is hopefully getting a drug and alcohol evaluation in the next 2 weeks and than we should know what is going to happen. He's literally been sitting in there for 9 weeks in limbo. Deep down in my heart I don't believe he won't be back home until Christmas. I don't believe they are going to put him back into drug court. There are several programs for non-violent addicts. The most popular ones are Pilot and SIP. They are both intense and require jail time, half way house, drug testing, outpatient treatments, community service and more probation. SIP is only 2 year program. Piolet is 3 years. I am anxious to see how much longer this is going to go on. He assures me he gets it and no more drugs. Some people need jail to stay sober so I hope so. I told him that if there was a next time married or not I am leaving. I'm 50 and don't want the rest of my life to be hell. I said I love you but I don't deserve that. He agreed. So here I am on a Friday. The covid tiredness is gone. Survived successfully another week. I guess that's all we can ask. I'm thankful for all of it.