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Hard To Let Go

Absolutely incredible that someone can use a person and the person they used forgives them and still hopes they let the good out. When did I become this " fixer" and " see good" in people while they walk all over me? I see it. I acknowledge it. Yet it's so hard to walk away. My heart is hardening towards my boyfriend but I still see the good in him. Every now and than he let's it out. Whether it's just a look, a simple gesture or kind words. Why can't he be that man all the time. That's the man I fell in love with. That's the man I know he can be and yet he chooses not to be. That leaves me with a hard decision. I made my choice.

I know what has to happen and it sucks. Unfortunately last night showed me my choice is right. I woke up to 2 bottles of wine empty. We have 4 bottles of wine and a 12pk of beer in the house. He's on probation. If his po came to the house and found this he'd go to jail. Well the po is a joke. He gave dirty pee twice and people have told on him but his po. What good are po's anyways? Whatever they suck too. I can't bring it up anymore to him or it'll start a fight. I'll have to sit back and watch him fall and it sucks. I'm not the type of person to watch someone fall. I will have him help me clean up the mess he made and that will that until the next time. I got to work today and I had 2 flower arrangements waiting for me from him. It makes me so sad that a person can be so sweet and so almost evil ( because of drugs) at the same time. A true Mr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I pray that he finally gets it and can fight the demons and stay sober. I hope that my new year isn't....miserable but it probably will be. I guess we are about to find out.

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