I Left My Faith
Know one knew that through the divorce and hard times that in my mind I left my faith. I faked it with my family so I didn't get lectured. That's the last thing I needed. I was mad at God. Disappointed in him. Everyday I tried to be the best mom I could be. After all my divorce had nothing to do with my kids and I never wanted them to feel like it was their fault - ever. When the kids were at their dads I was at the club all weekend. Bring it on! I hated men at this point. I was still so disgusted and deeply hurt from my divorce. I used all the men and never blinked an eye. Never regretted it. Closed my heart and didn't let myself get close to anyone outside my immediate family. My closes friends knew what was going on with me but family..no way. I was an angel with an attitude because I was hurt. That' s what my family thought.
This went one for years. I was so selfish. Hated men, hated life - hated everything. My heart was my kids and parents. That's it. You ever feel like that? If I didn't have my kids I don't know what would of became of me. I searched for love. For that perfect companion. Nope didn't find any of it. I only found myself more lost, disgusted and alone. My parents would put on a preacher or talk about God and I would just roll my eyes. Something had to change but what. Was I the problem right now? Why should I be nice and open up to people? Why should I chance getting hurt - again? So I continued done the wrong path. A path that could of destroyed me. I will be honest since I am telling you the story of my life and how I became Spiritually Balanced. I had a blast though. Yes I was hurt. Yes I was alone. Yes I was lost. When I was out at the clubs getting the attention I so longed for and taking what I could I wasn't thinking of my pain and disappointment. Was I wrong to pick this path? I don't know. Part of me still doesn't regret any of it. Maybe I had to go through it to be where I am now. I don't know.