Well we all know the kind of weekend I had. What shocked me is for some reason I had several mini panic attacks on Saturday. I know what he's like when he's high. Why should this be any different? I started thinking maybe I had too much coffee or maybe I finally lost my peace. This was a mind over matter battle and I was going to win. I started quoting scripture to myself. I started talking to myself. Went over what I had learned about panic attacks. To know the difference between chest pain and heart pain. The tunnel vision. Controlling your breathing. Panic attacks can mock heart attacks and that usually freaks people out and than they start hyperventilating. I had to stop, breathe, and identify what my body was trying to do.
It's not easy especially when you have someone high as hell running around the house screaming. It took me an hour but I did beat the panic attack. I don't have to go into detail about what he did or happened. It's the same bull every time. This journey was not how I thought it was going to be. I thought because God was with me and I loved my boyfriend that I could " save him". Only problem is I forgot about that pesky little thing God gives us called free will. Boy that was a kick in the butt when I realized that but I didn't figure it out right away. It took me 3 years to realize he has free will and there was nothing I could do to make him choose right. I sat there and was in awww that I was, almost cocky, because I had God that I would be the link to help him. LOL. The scripture Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ". It doesn't say I can make people chose right because I have Christ. I don't regret helping him and I'll keep trying to help him but not at my expense with health, peace and money. I don't know what God's will is for my life. But he says in Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” and this is one of the scriptures I turned into a confession and believe in. Good stuff coming my way this year. Just wait and see.