Smile

What can I say about this weekend? It was a happy peaceful one. I haven't had one of those in a long time. As I was prepping to make cookies with my daughter and grandson I forgot about all the issues. My boyfriend was at work and than went Christmas shopping and I had the whole house to myself. I had Christmas music blasting and was dancing and singing. I felt like me again. It was so nice. Later as I sat in the sunroom watching It's a Wonderful Life my boyfriend approached me and sat down. He was leaving to go to the casino for a couple hours. Normally I care but I didn't this time. I wanted my peace a little longer.

We had a talk. Now I'll take what I can get from it and hope for the best but lets be real here - it can all come crashing down again. My guard is up and will stay up for good reasons. We talked about his addiction, how he reacts and my reaction back to the circumstances, that we never do anything together and I just don't see the point of being together if I'm always alone or hes high. We talked about how I was looking for a house to buy to rent out. Deep down though I didn't say it but it's for me to move into when things go bad between us. We talked about a few more things. I told him about how I wasn't perfect and make mistakes and that this situation is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was a good talk. He was literally only gone for 3 hours and communicated with me on his time and such. It was normal. So there I go starting to put the rose colored glasses on but this time I stopped myself. Sunday was even better. My daughter and grandson came over and we made Christmas cookies. 10 hours of baking! Way too much for 1 day. We had fun and my body definitely hurts today. My boyfriend was there the whole time. Not real social. He knows my daughter hopes he stays sober and chooses right but she really don't like him with me. I don't blame her. It has not been great and to watch your mom cry - I'm sure it hurts her and makes her mad. I didn't get to bed until 12:30am and 6:30am came real quick today. lol It's 4 days before I have my family party on Christmas Eve...Here's to praying he stays sober and it can be a good time.