I have really been letting the stress at work and being alone consume me. How I let it happen is beyond me. I thought I was stronger but I failed...at that time. I couldn't sleep, eat and my stomach and head hurt bad. All I did was cry and didn't want to leave the house. Then I get this phone call from my boyfriend and they moved him again to another prison. This may be his last move or they are going to move him one more time. It's a little ridiculous but I guess they have to spread the money around and to cover their butts they call it " classifying". 6 weeks at two different state prisons to classify...hmmmm. I got a 5 minute phone call with him and he told me he wasn't allowed to call me for 10 days. I have no idea why that hurt me so much. This is really wanted we wanted. Now he can see what program he is eligible for and we will have an idea on when he will be coming home or at least back to work on work release.
I also received a letter from my boyfriend. It gives me hope that he gets sobriety is it and that we actually could have a happily ever after. It was a sweet letter. After a weekend of feeling sick over everything again I got this feeling in my heart and gut telling me that God is taking care of me in all my situations. I cried. Seems like I cry a lot but this was a cry of relief. It definitely wasn't me talking to myself. It was the Holy Spirit. I'm able to handle the stress better because of that one day...that one still small voice. I've had challenges this week but I feel good. When things went yucky I sang my Christian songs ( I love the Elevation band) and thanked God for handling the situations. I only wake up once a night now and I'm sure that will get better too. My stomach some times gets upset but I focus on God and it goes away. My anxieties and panic attacks are happening less and less. I'm not afraid to ask for help from God and from other people now. I'm not perfect and I may fall backwards again, I just hope I turn it to God immediately before the situations consume me again. So I go into this weekend happy. I'm still emotional but now its a feeling of victory, peace and love instead of failure, chaos and defeat.