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Where do I even start? I can't wait until I can officially close this chapter of life and start a new book. I had a few nice days. He had mouth surgery yesterday. They were taking out all his teeth and putting in all implants. I had to stay there while he was in surgery and recovery. I was there from 6:30am - 5:00pm. The surgery went smooth and even though I don't like him or how he treats me I will still do right and not wish harm on him. That being said I am glad surgery went smooth. I told the doctor that he is an addict.

They gave him Vicodin but he complained and lied so that the doctor gave in and gave him a script for oxy. He said it's only 8 pills. I shook my head and told him he can get pills off the streets and that this script is just a way of pulling one over on his PO. Whatever. On the way home he was so mean. He yelled at me for everything. I don't listen to just classic rock - I listen to everything - he doesn't like that. I don't let him smoke in my car - he doesn't like that. His exact words were " I hate your car! I hate that I can't smoke in it! I hate the way you drive! This is why I f-ing get rides from other people. I hate all of it!". Than he went on to rant about me going to my chiropractor. Says I need to get a 2nd opinion because chiropractors aren't real doctors and I still have problems and the chiro is laughing all the way to the bank with my money. Here's where it gets good. Than he says unless there's something else going on like a " rub n tug". Really? He went on to say some very degrading things and I just sat there and turned up the music and sang. I tried to ignore him. His mouth and jaw are sore but no severe pain...yet. He tried apologizing last night. He said he was an asshole and he treats me bad but today was exceptionally bad and he was sorry. He apologized again this morning. Does he think all he has to do is apologize and all the hurt goes away? Let me tell you it doesn't. His actions don't change so his apologies are worthless. Yes, I know I am in an emotional and mental abusive relationship. I am not in denial. I am trying to stay at peace and proceeding on my plan to leave. I am mentally strong enough to deal with this - by the grace of God. Emotionally strong - yes but I do break down at times and cry; like last night and today and literally shake inside cuz it still hurts. This isn't the end of my story. Life is gonna be awesome and that's a new book in my life I am excited to start.

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My goodness why do old feelings and habits sneak in? I had a great Easter weekend. It's just I have these trust issues still with him. He has done nothing since he's been back to even make me doubt hi

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26 ene 2022

It is so hard to admit it. I thought I was the strong one and could never fall into a situation like this. So wrong. They get you and once your in love the fake mask comes off. It's not so easy to leave as everyone thinks. Plus my job is linked to this situation and I'll probably get fired when I leave so that's something else I have to consider. My plan to leave is in motion but I wish it was sooner.

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I don’t quite know what to say. I’m glad to hear that you recognize this as an abusive situation as it sounds beyond toxic. I‘m proud of you that you are making your plans to leave. It isn’t as easy to do as those on the outside think that it is. Also, I am aware of how difficult it is to admit to or discuss. It’s usually a dirty little secret. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.

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