Trying

This weekend wasn't terrible. Yes he was high. It was just an annoying high not the out of control high. Really sad that it appears that certain levels of high is ok to me but they aren't trust me. Seems like it's going to be a daily thing unless there's something planned. He can hold out until that plan is over and than it's game on. This is why I believe he doesn't want to be sober. Sucks. The dentist didn't give him anymore pain pills, which I was shocked. They gave him some sort of mouth numbing mouthwash. Of course he said that doesn't do a thing. He's still in a ton of pain. He should be. A few days after mouth surgery he was high as hell running around the house screaming. That's too much for a mouth that just had major surgery. On top of that he didn't take his antibiotic as directed and he smokes like a chimney. I mean what did he expect? Yes I wish he wasn't hurting but he did it to himself. It's been 2 weeks. Even the dentist said he shouldn't be in pain like this. I really don't feel too bad for him. Choices...good or bad there are consequences.

He goes to his follow up tomorrow. He asked if I was taking him. I told him no. I wasn't going to a part of that ride again. If you remember he hates my car and no smoking rule so why should I spend my gas and wear n tear on my car. Let him pay one of his employees like he told me he does. I'm standing firm in a lot of my choices. He doesn't like that but he was nasty to me when I gave in. I'm going to do what is right for me. I gave enough. What really sucks is my daughter was questioning why I haven't been to one of my grandsons' basketball games. There's 2 reasons. I'll admit I get lazy in the winter and a 7:30pm game on a Saturday night and it's 10 degrees outside I can't get excited to get dressed to leave for an hour. Normally though I would of made 1 by now even in my winter laziness. The days that were half decent he was high. I can't leave. I stay for several reasons which I have mentioned before. This weekend we had a pretty bad ice storm. My trees are covered with ice and bent over. We didn't have cable or internet for 36 hours and the street lost power from early Friday morning to Sunday afternoon. We have a generator so we were ok. Do you think he was manly and did anything around the house? Nope. Driveway still covered. Branches still dangerously hanging. Our neighbor was out and took care of their business. Making sure their family and house was safe. My boyfriend isn't taking care of the house or me for that matter. It's his house. All he does is work and get high. He needs that business strong so he has the money to get high. My dad said maybe I'm not still here for my boyfriend anymore. Maybe God has me still here for the guys at work. They are good people. Maybe that's true. With God I was able to run the business while he was in jail, rehab and a half way house. The whole situation is sad. I really believed he was going to stay sober. I'm leaving - eventually. I don't know what God's plans are for me but until that door opens, and it will, I'm going to stay at peace and ride this out.